Excerpt: Hanging On
Book 2: Jessica Brodie Diaries
I sat in the car with William, the guy I had lusted over for months. The same guy I thought couldn’t care less about me. He had it all, including a packed schedule that didn’t accommodate dating. And he was fitting me in. It was a dream come true.
We were in his car, after just having reconciled months’ worth of me thinking he was too good, that he didn’t like me, that he thought I was subpar… It took a lengthy explanation from him to know that was false.
And now onto happily ever after. Except not, since his mother would greatly disapprove. Which was a problem for tomorrow. For right now, we were in bliss. Together. And that’s all that mattered.
“Did you want to go to the bull riding practice with me?” William asked, completely nonchalant. “Or would you like me to drop you at home and meet me later?”
I soared hearing him make plans in such a nonchalant way.
“I would love to change my clothes,” I answered, also trying for nonchalant.
“No time. You are fine the way you are. You’re coming then?”
“Guess so. Dirty and haggard.”
After the previous night, when I had finally given up on the dream that was William, I’d spent the day working out, crying, and not giving a crap. My appearance was proof.
He reached his hand over and put it on my knee. “My kinda girl.”
My skin got hot and my groin started throbbing. Did I mention we hadn’t had sex yet? I didn’t know what was worse, the desire, or the anticipation.
I put my hand over his and he turned his palm-up to hold mine. Very school girl, but I delighted in the contact. I still couldn’t believe he wanted me! With my dating history, a good guy thinking I was cool enough to hang out with was noteworthy. One that thought I was date worthy—I was flying!
We reached his ranch for bull riding practice, which was as crazy as it sounded. Riders came to ride bulls to get better at it, so they could enter rodeos and win some bucks. Since William had a breeding project, entering the best of his stock into the rodeos, having guys ride the animals was as good for him as it was for those getting the practice. Win-win.
William opened the garage of the ranch house from the car and drove in. It was a three car garage with a giant truck, an ATV, and a couple motorcycles. We got out of the car and he opened the door in the truck for me.
“Is there a reason this truck is so high?”
“You would have to ask my brother that one. He picked it and had it raised.”
Not bothering to comment, because why would I, we were out of the one-story ranch house and driving through flat farm lands. Coming from L.A., and only in Texas for about six months, I wasn’t used to everything being so…well, flat. There was no other way to describe it. The sky seemed to hover right above my head, the clouds pressing down on me. It was awesome and weird at the same time.
We came upon an area with a few tress and more trucks.
“Here we go.” William’s voice sounded excited. Like it was show and tell, and he was worried about this week’s item.
Through the trees was a circling of horizontal metal poles encasing a bare dirt arena. In back was a pen holding large, still animals. Bulls, one and all. Scary looking bulls to boot, with angry eyes and large balls.
So no, the balls didn’t have much to do with anything, other than they were freaking huge, and I couldn’t stop looking at them.
William headed right for his right hand man, and my first genuine guy friend in this state, or really anywhere, Adam. I loved the guy like a brother. He looked out for me, he joked with me, and he gave me Wet Willies. I could have done without the latter, but since I tended to give him titty-twisters and Charlie Horses, I’d handle it.
I sounded sixteen, but really I was twenty-five, almost twenty-six.
“What’s the story, boys?” William asked, sounding more chipper than I had ever heard.
Adam must have thought so, too, because he titled his head, a smile soaking into his face like lotion. “Well, sir, we was just gettin’ goin’. The first bull is in the hold waitin’ for one of them young fellers over there.” Adam pointed to three small cowboys to the right. They couldn’t have been more than twelve.
William followed Adam’s finger before asking, “Who’s clowning?”
“You,” Ty said, the professional bull-rider among this group. “You riding tonight?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Of course.”
“Adam?”
“O’course.”
“Then let’s get going.” William turned his whole body too me, happier than I had ever seen him. “Just stay away from the fence and you’ll be fine. Did you want to go to the chute with the boys?”
Adam and Ty, totally oblivious males, followed William’s words and found me. Ty’s face lit up in a smile. Adam was all business, so gave a quick nod hello.
“Sure, I guess,” I responded. I’d been to a rodeo before, so I knew it was dangerous, but this was my first practice situation.
“Jessica, nice of you to join us this evening,” Ty said with humor. “Thought maybe I smelled because of how fast you took off last night.”
He was referring to my painful fleeing when William showed up at the bar. I’d been so hurt by the events I basically sprinted out of there.
“Yeah, you were right—it was you,” I said in a bored, dead pan voice. “Had I known you’d be here I wouldn’t have come.”
“Nice to see you dressed for the occasion,” Adam commented with a wink before he followed William toward the chute.
“Dude, I was straight from working out! How was I supposed to know he would accost me at the hospital!” I said overly loud.
“She said dude!” One of the miniature cowboys giggled as we passed.
“Ty, you sound like an old witch with that cackle,” I muttered darkly.
“Dude, leave me alone,” Ty spat, then resumed his hysteria.
After a few of the young boys had ridden, William made his way over to me. I could feel the anticipation mounting as I watched the play of his muscles and the power of his stride. I wanted to see more, only with fewer clothes.
He must have had an idea what I was thinking because he had a half smile on his face, his gaze never faltering.
He leaned against the fence opposite me, still on the inside of the arena. “Hi gorgeous. Are you bored?”
“Hey. No, not at all. Just taking it all in. It’s nice that it isn’t such a blood sport here like the real rodeo.” I moved closer to the fence, craving contact.
He reached through the bars and trailed his course thumb down my cheek. The contact left a trail of heat on my skin. His eyes held a promise and his lips curved up into a sultry smile. “I really did try to steer clear of you, you know. But you kept pulling me back in. Like gravity. Now I’m caught.”
I leaned closer, his musty scent filling my world. I reached through the bars and put my hands on the sides of his rock hard stomach. Heat filled my nethers at the same time as I shivered.
“Lord woman. You’ll be the death of me,” he said in a husky voice. He pulled my face toward his, our lips meeting solidly.
While I was really into kissing him, I wasn’t really into the steel bars smashing up against my face. He must have had the same thought, because backed off.
“That was a bit awkward,” I said, making light of it.
His eyes were on fire through the bars. It was like they reached in and grabbed my soul, clutching me, body and spirit, and sucking me in. I was hooked. Long since hooked. I never wanted him to let go.
I slid my hand up his chest and quietly exhaled, a slight moan tucked into my breath.
“I’m happy that you’re all happy and all the rest, but can we get back to it?” Adam said in an elevated voice.
William slid his thumb across my face lightly, a small smile playing across his face, before he backed away and faced Adam. “You sure can kill a mood.”
Adam flinched when William lightly punched his arm as he walked by, then shook his head, watching William walk toward the chute where a mini cowboy was gingerly sitting onto a patient bull.
“Never seen nothin’ like it,” Adam murmured, for my ears alone. “It’ll take a strong woman to tame that man. But you got a good start on it.” He laughed and ruffled my hair through the bars. He walked away chuckling to himself and shaking his head.
Men were so freaking weird!
I watched while the younger guys got on tame bulls and hopped around the enclosure. It seemed that tonight was armature night. On purpose. It wasn’t until all the really young kids had gone that the older guys—Ty, Adam and William—got to play. It was a different night in the week that the more experienced riders would try their hand with William’s harder stock.
“So, Jess, one-hundred and eighty, huh?” Ty asked while leaning against the gate on the inside of the oval arena.
“I don’t skateboard. Or snowboard, for that matter.”
Ty looked at me cross-wise, meaning he had no idea what I was talking about.
“What?” I clarified.
“My boy Willie. He wants you, he doesn’t want you—how’d you get him to come around?”
“Dressing like a homeless person and hanging around the hospital. No big deal.”
Ty let out a bark of laughter. “Well, he hasn’t poked his head out of his shell for a great many years. Then all of a sudden, there is this chick that’s hanging around, supposed to be available, but if anyone even talks to her Willie shoots death threats with the ol’ peepers. What’s up?”
My stomach was surging at the words. My face was hopefully hiding it. I shrugged, super nonchalant. “I have great blackmail.”
“That it? Well, put a reign to that boy, will you? His moods are awfully poopy sometimes.”
“Did you say poopy?” I asked, chuckles bubbling up.
Ty shrugged.
“No, seriously Ty, did you use poopy as a description? Are you five?”
“Candace would answer yes.” Ty laughed as he walked toward the fallen cowboy who quickly got up and started running for his life while the bull was jumping in the opposite direction.
Next up, Ty. He was the professional rodeo guy. He made a stack of cash riding bulls. Which meant, quite simply, that he was really good.
But William’s bulls, which William bred himself, were better.
Ty rode a giant bastard of a bull, fell off in a heap, then limped to the gate.
“Seven seconds, man,” William shouted. To qualify, a rider needed to stay on for eight. “Was he good, or you bad?”
“Fuck you, Davies!” Ty shouted back, waiting for the bull to trot into the pen before he limped out of the arena.
“So, good then.” William laughed to himself.
Adam was next. He had the hand soaring, the posture right, and the body handling the bull with ease. When he got the same question, he said, “I lasted eight, could’ve lasted longer. Breed better, Davies.”
“Why aren’t you professional?” I asked Adam when he perched near my neck of the gate.
“Ah…” He took off his cowboy hat and scratched his head. “I ain’t cut out for this kinda thing. I got me a ranch ‘n a bunch of pursuits. This is a hobby. My money comes from hard work.”
“And riding bull is…easy work?”
Adam smiled and looked around for Ty. “Nah, it ain’t easy, but it’s only eight seconds, right? A real man can last longer than eight seconds.”
“Oh my God!” I leaned back on the fence and laughed. “A sex joke? You are so going to hell! You should be waiting until you’re married!”
“You make sexual jokes all the time!” Adam defended.
“Yeah, but, I’m from California. It is well known—or so Juniper at work would have me believe—that God doesn’t listen to Californians. I’m in the clear. I’ll show up at His pearly gates and He’ll just wave me through because He doesn’t recognize me—I’m in the blind spot.”
Adam shook his head and heaved with laughter. I’d heard from Candace and a few of the guys that Adam didn’t laugh often. He tried to set himself up as Mr. Serious. But obviously it was before he’d met someone as cracked as me. Now he laughed all the time, because if he didn’t make fun of me, I did him a service and made fun of myself.
If he ever got to meet my friends, he’d pass out from asphyxiation from laughing so hard!
William got on last.
“Hey—“
Adam glanced around, realized it was me that hissed, and took a few steps in my direction.
“Yeah?”
“So, why doesn’t William ride professionally? You all were pissed when I brought it up at the rodeo…”
“First of all, it’s y’all, not you all…”
I rolled my eyes.
“Second…” Adam looked back at the chute, a tiny enclosure within the gate that held the bull so a rider to get strapped to its back in almost safety. “His dad put the foot down. He’s good—better than me—but he’s big. The best guys are smallish, ya know? Like Ty. Small center of gravity. Willie’s six-two. He gots talent, but he ain’t got enough to make it too far. His dad reeled him in. Best thing for him, but he don’t like to hear it.”
“Did you ever take an English class in your life?”
Adam just laughed.
“How’d I do?” William asked after his ride, bending over to put his hands on his knees to catch his breath.
I clutched the bars, wanting to get closer. I’d been pining after the guy for months, so now, being actually allowed to touch him and unable made me slightly edgy. “Is this where you get all your muscle?”
“This and other farm work. I do as much as I can. It’s good for the soul.”
“Hmm.”
He smiled a promise, knowing what I was thinking. “I need to get some water out of the truck. Be right back.”
“Okay…” As I watched William bound away, Ty filled in the gap.
“So…you wanna get on one?”
“You mean, get on a massive bull that wants to stab me with his huge horns?”
“No. I mean, do you want to get on a smallish steer that is indifferent because he got his balls cut off?”
“Is it hard?”
“Yes. But doable.”
“Do many girls ride?”
“Only a few dumb ones.”
“Well, then. Sign me up. I’ll give it a go.”
Ty smiled. “Excellent. Right this way m’lady. We have to get you up there before Willie finds out and flips.”
He yelled to Adam what we planned to do, and I saw Adam give the same mighty grin. They hustled me to the chute, put a not so flattering helmet on me, then a black vest, and pointed for me to climb up and get on the bull.
About that point my teeth started chattering. What the hell was I doing? Even though this bull was supposed to be small and calmer, it was still a big animal. A strong animal. Weighing over five hundred pounds. Even if all it did was roll on me, it would still hurt.
I climbed up with shaky arms, too stupid to back down now, with Adam and Ty on either side. Another couple guys saw what we were doing and came over to help.
“This little lady fixin’ to ride?” one of the guys asked. He looked in his twenties.
I nodded nervously, throwing a leg over the metal bar and looking down on a giant animal that did not want a person on its back.
“This is fairly stupid,” I muttered.
All the boys laughed and nodded at the same time, one of the guys leaning closer on the railing.
“Right, okay Mr. Bull,” I said, gingerly sneaking a leg over its back but not actually touching it yet, “I’m just going to sit on your back. No big deal.”
“He can’t understand ya, Jess.” The smile almost got in the way of Adam’s words.
“Can’t understand you maybe.” I eased my butt lower until it was just touching the animals back. Then froze. Waiting.
Ty was helplessly chuckling as he watched me, frozen, waiting for the world to spin. He said, “That’s why women rarely do this sport—they’re too thoughtful. They’re too methodical. They think about shit.”
One of the guys nodded from his lean. “They talk themselves out of it before they even begin.”
“Always knew they was smarter. Y’all don’t have to give Jessie a big head.” Adam reached over the metal bars of the chute and gently grabbed my left hand. “Just gonna tie ya in, Jess.”
I had all my weight on the massive animal, shorter than a horse but broader. It’s back was somewhat rounded and very hard, a squat bundle of muscle. And I was allowing Adam to tie my hand, palm up, into a rope around it’s chest. I’d done some seriously stupid crap in my life, but this one had to take the cake.
“Okay, here—” Ty abruptly stopped talking. His focus went just over my shoulder. To William who was in the rink walking toward us with a head full of thunder clouds. Ty’s smile faltered, a hint of fear peeking through.
“Uh oh, Ty, papa bear looks mad,” I said with a smirk.
“Jessica, no way. No way. Too dangerous. What are you guys thinking?” William exclaimed, not seeing the humor.
Did I look like his child?
“William, you are going to rile the ball-less bull up then I’ll really get killed. Go do your job and keep me safe.”
“Jessica, this is too dangerous. You haven’t a clue what you are doing!”
“I know exactly what I’m doing. I am going to hold my hand in the air, wiggle my body around, fall, and run like hell. Easy.”
He got right up close to the fence, tilting his chin up to meet my eyes, which did not diminish his air of domination. My body tingled and my sexy-parts purred.
“Jessica, I am not going to tell you again, get-off-of-the-bull. You are not doing this.”
Arousal aside, I did not plan to take orders from my guy. I hated being talked to like a child. Especially in front of others.
“William.” I hardened my gaze, no longer playing. I also reduced my volume so he knew this was just for him. “I am not going to tell you again. I am going to ride this steer because I want to. I am old enough to make my own stupid decisions. I made it. Either I can do this with your help to keep me out of harm, or I can go down the road to McKinley’s ranch and ride one there. That is the choice you have to make.”
We stared at each other in a battle of wills. I wanted to kiss him. Rake down his chest with my fingers. Strap myself onto his body instead of this bull, and ride all night. But this wasn’t about sex. This was about principle, so I held my aching core in check and glared for all I was worth.
Finally, seeing I wouldn’t bend, a smile tugging at the very corners of his lips, William sighed. “Fine. But don’t blame me if you break your fool neck.”
“Deal,” I said. “Ty, give me some instructions.”
Four guys exhaled, one, Ty, also laughed. Apparently, standing up to William was a touchy affair. Just wait until they eventually met Flem.
“Okay Jess,” Ty said, leaning over the gate to help situate my body. “You want to hold on with all your mite. When the bull gets out of the chute, it will probably just hop in a straight line. This one is pretty docile. Keep your free hand in the air to try and help your balance. You won’t have form and technique, so just hold on until you start to fall. Then, and this is very important, let go. Let yourself fall and let go.”
“Yeah, let go. I got it.”
Ty should his head, deadly serious. “You’d be surprised. Many don’t remember that detail.”
“Because they want to stay on. I won’t. I think I’ll remember.”
“A rider that doesn’t want to stay on the bull. Huh,” the guy leaning said with a smirk. This was probably more entertaining than anything else that evening so far.
“Okay, after you let go…” Ty continued, giving me a lopsided look, into which I rolled my eyes, “get up and run for the fence. William and I will keep the bull away from you. It probably won’t care about you anyway, but if it does we will make sure you are out of harm’s way. Try to fall on your side or butt. Falling on your feet would be best, of course, but…doubtful. You don’t want to fall on your head or fall on anything that you can break. Trust me, I’ve been there and it sucks. Got it?”
I nodded and smiled nervously. Ty hit me on the helmet. “Show all these young boys what’s what.”
“Okay.”
William reached through the fence and gave my leg a pat. “You’ll be fine. That bull won’t go near ya.” He winked.
Ty jumped into the rink and Adam crawled up the fence, on the inside of the gate, and worked a clasp at the top. He looked down at me. “Ready?”
“No. Okay. Yes. Just do it.”
“Alright. Here goes.”
Adam jerked the gate open, the door swinging wide. I heard a slap that sounded like hand on bull butt, and suddenly we were air born!
The world rushed by in a stringy haze. I threw my hand up, feeling enormous pressure on the arm strapped in. The animal landed, jolting my body forward. I automatically leaned back, my whole body fighting inertia, not wanting to fall over the bull’s head.
It bounded up, the power in the leap jerking me, my surroundings lost to the rocking. I had no idea what my hand was doing anymore. Either hand. All I knew was that gravity was pulling to the side, the bull was ungodly strong, and I was falling.
“Shit!” I grunted between clenched teeth.
I didn’t need to be told to let go. I hit the ground on my side, half not realizing I’d fallen at all, hopped up like I was on springs, and ran for my life, seeing a monstrous brute with horns, red eyes and steam chasing me down.
I had a tendency to overreact.
“Wrong way!”
I twisted mid-stride, and kept running, now the opposite direction. I was pretty fast, and in my workout clothes, so I hit that gate and risked a glance back.
The bull was hopping at the other end of the enclosure, by itself, completely unconcerned about its former rider. The boys were all bent over laughing.
William came over, still chuckling, with a big smile. He hugged me tightly and walked me back to the other guys, now huddled around and mocking me.
“How long was I on?” I panted.
“Oh-hh, about three seconds.”
“That’s hard.”
“Yup. You did well, though. You moved well on it.”
“How’r ya doin’?” Adam asked as we approached.
“Good,” I said, nodding as I sucked air. “My arm feels like it was pulled out of my body, and I’ll probably be sore tomorrow, but other that it was fun.”
“The first ride. I hope someone got a picture,” Ty said as an afterthought, looking around the smiling group of young guys and their fathers.
“A’right everyone,” William said as Adam helped me take off my gear. “That is it for tonight. Next month we’ll do it again for all wanting practice.”
There were nods and words of thanks. The young boy that helped me at the chute came up with some Ben Gay. “Here, you’ll need this. It’ll help with the soreness.”
“Oh thanks. I’m Jessica by the way.”
“Hank.”
“Hi Hank. Thanks again.”
“No sweat, girl. Takes some balls to get up on a bull. Not many girls do it.”
“I heard only the dumb ones.”
“That’d be ‘bout right, that would. Ha. That’d be ‘bout right.”
He said good-bye and hurried away. Everyone was clearing out.
Ty and Adam sauntered over with a big “I feel manly!” sign on their heads. They joined William, which was standing by me.
“Night cap at Tommy’s?” Ty asked. It sounded like a ritual.
William turned to me, his eyes smoldering in the dim light. I could see the promise emanating, sparking the anticipation.
“Nah, probably not tonight. I gotta go see about a horse,” he said, turning back to the boys.
“Jeez, Jessie, he ain’t all that flattering, huh?” Adam said with a smirk.
Ty was chuckling as he turned away. “‘Nite,” was all he said.
At the truck, William turned me toward him before opening my door. He slid his hands around my waist. “Sorry about that.”
“You mean, about talking to me like a child in front of my peers?”
“Yes.”
“Apology accepted. Please don’t do it again. I am stubborn, but will be receptive if you address me like an adult.”
“Understood. I was scared for you. Finally got you and didn’t want to lose you, you know?”
I nodded. He pulled me tight against him. “Man, you have a temper on you, though.”
“Can we go now?”
He kissed my neck languidly before saying, “Yeah, I just have to turn off the lights. I’ll meet you in the truck.”
It was like my stomach had fallen asleep, and was now waking up. It felt like pins and needles with a background of washing machine. I was getting nervous about later on. I knew we would be getting down to business, but for some reason it felt as though I had never done it before. It felt like my first time. Maybe it was all the dreams and longing and wanting, but I was a little frightened that it wouldn’t live up to expectation. He was a good kisser, and gentle, and I really liked him, so signs pointed to it being great, but you never knew.
Especially in anything where I was a participant.
“How’s the arm?” he asked as he climbed in. The whole truck smelt like Ben Gay.
“Hurts a little, but nothing serious.”
“I remember being sore all the time when I was learning. Still get sore sometimes with a particularly rough bull.”
“You are good.”
“Thanks. I had to give it up to focus on business, but I had a good go of it for a time.”
We got back to the ranch house. As we were getting out of the truck, he asked, “Do you want to go in the hot tub to try and relax your muscles?”
Did his voice quiver? Or was it just my ears that were quivering? Like the rest of my body.
“That would be fantastic,” I breathed, pushing my thoughts aside.
We walked into the house from the garage. It was well furnished with expensive paintings and other art, while still maintaining a country feel. Someone was an expert decorator. We went down a hallway into a large room.
“This is where I stay when I’m here,” William declared, looking around.
It was a big room with a king sized bed, a sitting chair with a lamp in the corner, and a fireplace.
“Nice. It’s big.”
“Most of the rooms here are big. Why not? One thing this ranch has is plenty of space. I’ll show you around tomorrow.”
He went to his dresser. “Now, what do you want to wear in the hot tub? I’m afraid I don’t have any ladies swim suits lying around.”
I scrunched up my face. “Are you expecting anyone else tonight?”
“No, why?”
“I’ll just go in my birthday suit.”
“In the hot tub?”
“Yeah. Why not? You’ve seen naked girls before. Not a big surprise. Except all my parts are real.”
“Ha-ha- very funny. Uh…,” He surveyed his drawer, eyes unfocused, deciding. “Okay.”
“Be a joiner, not an individual. Nobody likes individuals.”
“Uh huh.” He got a couple towels. “Robes are out there. Do you need to call Gladis or anyone?”
“No. She is in the hospital, remember? I’ll see her tomorrow.”
“Uh huh.”
It wasn’t the fault of my ears. He was as nervous as I was.
We went out a sliding glass door connected to his room, around a corner and viole—hot tub. When we took of the cover it happily steamed away, beckoning us to enter. I was beckoning William the same thing.
When he was over in the covered area away from the hot tub ten feet, putting away the cover, he said, “Do you want some champagne or anything? Do you want the light on?”
“No to both. Thank you.”
I quickly slipped out of my clothes, embarrassed and not sure why, and left a heap of fabric on a nearby chair. The Ben Gay burned slightly as the warm water lapped at it. I ignored it completely, sighing in delight as my bare butt found a built-in seat.
“Feel good?” William asked, standing by the stair. His fingers worked at his shirt buttons.